CATS: waa, waaa, waaa, waaa, waaaaaaa!
ME: I’m sure someone fed you hours ago before I got home you bastards!
CATS: Who us? I think you must have mistaken us for some other cats. Nobody fed us, honest they didn’t….pleeeease feed us.
ME: You ever heard the tale of Peter and the Wolf…err, or is it the boy who cried wolf? Anyway, you’re always giving me the hard luck story and big sad eyes but when I check you’ve always been fed. I’m not falling for it anymore so bugger off.
video of cats trying to get my attention – running under my legs trying to trip me up, jumping on everything, trying to destroy everything, standing by their bowls looking like they are close to death
ME: I swear if you guys could pick up a shovel you’d be smacking me on the head with it.
CATS: Felix! Felix! Felix!
ME: Look, I checked, cats have a kind of normal brain and a memory of 16 hours so that would easily cover the last time you were fed. I never had this shit from my dogs with their measly 5 minute memory span!
CATS: How dare you mention dogs! How very dare you!
TOM: Do I, or do I not play fetch with the empty Mars bar wrappers? So don’t give me all this dog crap.
CATS: Waa, waaa, waaaa, waaaaa!
ME: Did anyone feed the cats?
FAMILY: Not yet.