A bit of “golden hand” bullshitting goes a long way

A lot of our living area wall space is taken up with 3m high UPVC windows and doors. The two doors open onto the terrace, one from the lounge and one from the dining area. From the lounge is rarely used, primarily it is the exit hatch for dead Christmas trees, the one from the dining area however is used regularly, many times a day.

The doors have handles on the inside and nothing whatsoever on the outside so if you wanted to go out on the balcony but not leave the door open, for a smoke on a winter’s evening for example, you had to sort of pull the door shut and hope it held, which it didn’t most of the time especially when there was a breeze of any significance or a curious cat. To improve this we quickly installed the shoelace, as previously mentioned in THIS POST.

Well, effective as it was there was a hankering feeling that we could do better plus the rubber seal around the door was looking a bit naff and so my wife, expert Googler po polsku that she is went in search of an ‘expert’. One was found, a short stocky guy with a handshake carved from granite and his son, the apprentice golden hand. He studied the problem, talked an awful lot (as they all do) and then started listing everything he could imagine he might be able to sting us for. Having seen where we live and probably detecting an accent from me decided that 400 zeds was a fair price. We agreed, as if we had any choice. He said he’d get the parts and come back. Having taken a while to get him here in the first place Beloved was concerned he might not be seen anytime soon. I assured her that for sure we were paying at the high end of his range and therefore he’d be back soon enough. I was right, he was back in less than a week, minus the apprentice.

He re-installed the rubber seal. He changed parts of the locking mechanism he said were the wrong ones and [drum roll] he installed a proper catch and handle combination on both doors that allows us to close them properly from outside! It’s nothing sophisticated and certainly not designed in Denmark or made in Stuttgart but it works.

After nearly two years in residence we are now a shoelace free zone.


5 thoughts on “A bit of “golden hand” bullshitting goes a long way

  1. Can you actually lock the door from the inside? In case someone is an acrobatic/desperate burglar? If so (or hell, even if not) …that’s awesome. We need the same thing here – we have a string with a loop on one end and a suction cup stuck to the glass of the other “door” so it will stay mostly shut… but it’s obviously a PITA.

  2. There’s no lock mechanism as in “with a key” but from the inside you turn the handle downwards and that locks the door. Ideally without there being any people or cats outside!

  3. Only four-hundred zeds (whatever they may be) to have handles on both sides of the door? Crikey! People will be landing on the moon next.

  4. I should add, discussing this with pal at work today his fairly newly built home in Harrow has exactly the same problem but he uses curtain ties to hold the door not shoelaces. Posh in Harrow, you know.

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