Man with TWO lighters spotted in Warsaw!

I have to pass this amazing news on immediately. I was downstairs ‘taking the air’ and this bicycle courier emerged from the building, the guy who often visits, the one who looks like he needs psychiatric help. Anyway, he had a cigarette in his mouth and I’m thinking “Anytime now he’s going to ask for fire.”. Shock of shocks, instead of asking he produces no fewer than two cheap plastic lighters from his pockets. Well, I’m assuming pockets but being a Lycra-clad cycle-boy this may be a false assumption. Perhaps he keeps them in his delivery pouch?

I’m paying little attention now but there’s this annoying sound of frantic clicking behind me. I turn to see cycle-boy holding the two lighters with their heads facing each other at 45 degrees while he’s desperately turning the spark wheel of one of them as if to light the other one. Having no success he moves behind a pillar out of the wind. Still no success but he’s resisting the temptation to make the inevitable request and before he can change his mind I’m inside and gone.

So there we have it. There are some people in Warsaw who own lighters, two lighters even, but none of them work properly. I have to assume this guy had one lighter that was full of fuel but had no spark and another lighter that had a spark but was empty. He was trying to put 2+2 together and make fire but it just wasn’t happening. It would be interesting to see statistics for the relative success of Slavic Neanderthals versus others, given that making fire was more important back then.

Of course the other possibility for his behaviour is that my judgment that he needs psychiatric help is correct.

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9 thoughts on “Man with TWO lighters spotted in Warsaw!

  1. guest, fine, but people have been using fire for up a million years! Still, I suppose 2,000 is about right for Poles! I wonder if ancient Pole-man wandered around banging his chest and asking others if they had fire? ;)

  2. Tut, tut!

    Neanderthal man perhaps made fire with the help of a couple of flints I can’t say but it seems Courierman is in good company (probably as well paid as well), as eventually he would have succeeded (I know. I’ve played the double lighter game myself here at home – bloody cheap lighters!!).

    So why is Courierman in need of psychiatric help rather than the person who doesn’t have a lighter and is destined to rely on the next Warsaw genius who hasn’t got one or on someone who has (almost) two? Guess which of these types you’d prefer to find if you needed light?

    Now write out a hundred times ‘I will not post smart alec comments before I’ve re-read what I’ve written and checked it makes sense.’

  3. His need for psychiatric help was noticed before the incident with the lighters and is not related to the lighters.

    It’s like you think a car needs maintenance and then the bumper falls off and it just makes you a little more certain that you were right.

  4. I don’t like lighters or fire. I remember the time I went to fill my lighter (Colibri) with fuel. It spurted out as it was in an aresol type can. I must have had some on me as I went to test the lighter the flames just went up my arm. I flung the lighter and went into the bathroom to see if I still had hair. Scarry moment and I never used that thing again.

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