This has been around for years in one form or another but I always enjoy it. Here’s a version that was in the Spectator recently:
Socialism – You have two cows. The State nationalises one and gives it to your neighbour.
Communism – You have two cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.
Fascism – You have two cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.
Traditional capitalism – You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies and the economy grows. You sell your heard and retire on the income.
Lehman Brothers Venture capitalism – You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at Bear Stearns, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new President of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buy your bull!
And here are a few of my own additions;
French system – You have two cows. They go on strike for greener grass.
British system – You have two cows. One goes binge drinking and stabs the other to death with a screwdriver. The Heath & Safety Executive have the other cow put down because one of its toenails is getting a bit long.
Polish system – You have two cows. They are twins.
German system – You have two cows. They call each other Herr Dr Dr Dr Cow.
Russian system – You have two cows. You sell them both and buy a big gold watch and a new pair of bright red trainers.
Italian system – You have two cows. They look fantastic for a short while but then they get all fat, cranky and stop working properly.
Czech system – You have two cows. They seem okay to you but nobody else understands them.
I could go on all night……….. :)