Had to laugh when reading this little article on the importance of clenching one’s perineum!
[I would have inserted a picture here to explain where it is but they were all completely disgusting – YUK!]
Anyway, it’s the part that runs between your front bottom and your back bottom, the place where the least daylight falls and small cheesy monsters run riot! (where did that come from?)
So, the vertically challenged fashion/media-victim president consulted his personal trainer:
“Alors! Versace tells me I need to shrink my trouser size so I can look taller. You need to ‘elp me, mon ami!”
“Tout suite mon petit Napoleon! I ‘ave just the thing – the perineum clench! Not only will you shrink your trouser but it will also ‘elp you with that petit probleme you ‘ave with Carla Antoinette!”
“Sur le pont d’avignon, mon petit choux! Je suis le fantastique! ‘ow does this work?”
“Simplement, L’Emperor. Just imagine you need a pee-pee really bad and you want to stop it leaking out – tres bien clenchon les monsters fromage, et voila!”
“But ‘ow am I supposed to imagine desirer a pee so beaucoup?!”
“Mon Excellence, simply imagine you are ‘aving a conversation with Kaczynski!”
“Mervielleux, you are a genius and I award you the Order of the Bastille for your services to French royalty!”
And here is le petit Napoleon trying to find his perineum!
I’m sure someone at the Independent reads this blog! ;)