How to be sick in Warsaw

It’s simple if you are a fortune teller, psychic, voodoo master or tea-leaf reader. You just have to know that you will be sick in a week or two’s time then call Medicover immediately and ask to see a doctor (pretending to already be sick).

[patient navigates through 17 buttons to make the connection faster]


[repeat for 5 minutes]

“Hello Medicover how can we help you?” (all in Polish despite having pressed 2 for English a couple of times)

“I’d like to see a doctor please, as soon as possible because I’ve been sick already for 12 days and mam dość!”

“We have an appointment available in 5 days time at our clinic in Pcim Dolny.”

“Sorry but I live in Warsaw”

“That would be in 8 days time then, in Ursynów…somewhere close to Lodz.”

“Sorry but I live and work in centre and north Warsaw. It takes me 17 hours to get to and from Ursynów!”

“That would be in 12 days time at either Atrium or Inflancka.”

“But Inflancka has only just opened, how can it be 12 days to see a general doctor??!!”

“We’re very busy.”


“Can’t I just go to a centre and wait for one of those ‘duty doctors’?”

“All the centres have told us that waiting time today, or any day close to today, is at least 4 hours.”

“But I’m sick now, I’ve been sick already for 12 days, in another 12 days I’ll be dead!!!”

“We can recommend a good funeral service to your wife.”

“Okay, really, enough with the jokes. If you imagine that I’m really very sick, what is the best way for me to see a doctor quickly?”

“Call us tomorrow after 8 and we’ll tell you which centre has the smallest crowd. Assuming there is one, it will probably be Pcim Dolny.”


2 thoughts on “How to be sick in Warsaw

  1. I have the same problem in Kraków. This the best advertised and seeming to be “west” medical center are just expensive, have terms in the distant future and not with so good doctors as average human expects.

    So I phone to the old cooperative/association of docs (my mother as a young girl was their patient). It was cheaper, better and they told me: “come when you want, the same day is possible”.

    Furthermore we chat very nice with doc. I lernt about part of his life and he wanted to arrange his son to me. ;-)))

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