The end of a beautiful relationship

No, don’t panic, not THAT relationship!!

I may have mentioned that we’re moving apartment soon, 1st August to be precise. That’s going to be interesting in many ways but for now the most noticeable change is in the way I view the place we’re living in right now and have been for the last many years. When we moved in here it was the dogs doughnuts of an osiedle! Almost newly built, great location and with all the good things one would expect from a nice new apartment. We moved first into a 90m2 place and then after a couple of years some friends of ours moved out of this apartment, 140m2, which was almost the same price and so it was we moved from block B to block C. When we move it will be almost exactly 6 years we’ve been block C dwellers.

Small as the world is, some other acquaintances of ours have since moved into our old 90 m2 apartment in block B and yet more friends will hopefully be buying this place when we leave (fools that they are)! More people than this, however, have moved away and the mix of residents is, in my opinion, going downhill at the same rate as the osiedle generally.

There are a lot of memories here, a lot of emotional attachment and I think, just like a relationship with a person, it is easy to become so emotionally attached to a home that you are blind to all the faults. That changes pretty fast (a little slower for women) once you make the decision to get a divorce, to the point that I now spend my last remaining days here wandering around muttering to various inanimate objects “..and I won’t miss you, and you’ve been a pain in the backside for a long time….”

When I come to list all the things that annoy me about this place I’m shocked that we’ve been here so long! Here are my top 10 annoyances:

  1. The bath. This must have been marketed as a breeding pool for small frogs and not as a bath for human beings. Having a bath here, for me, is like trying to eat dinner when you’ve been crammed too many to a table and you can’t move your elbows enough to get the fork to your mouth.
  2. The waste of space. The way this place has been laid out is crazy. There must be at least 25 m2 wasted in a huge “welcome lobby” and uselessly located shower room (as far away from a bedroom as you can get) that has never been used. The kitchen is twice the size it needs to be and as a result the dining area is half the size it should be. The main balcony, a good size, is not attached to either the lounge or kitchen and must be accessed through a bedroom. It is therefore not used, a terrible waste.
  3. The lights. The number of light fittings could be halved and you’d still think there were too many. The design of the fittings is a combination of “old colonial” and “rampant bad taste”, they are just horrible. The electrical system has been installed such that at least 20% of bulbs blow, every month. That gets to be a royal pain as well as expensive. There are at least 10 different types of bulb needed for all the different light fittings.
  4. The basement. The construction is just awful. It is dark, lumpy and has been leaking since we moved in. More recently, rubbish bins, the recycling type, have encroached on our parking spaces so for me to park now is a juggling act between Mr. Volvo idiot and some rubbish bins. I won’t get into the komorki situation.
  5. The bathroom. I’m tired of a bathroom with no daylight and a cheap Chinese made ventilator fan. I have always hated the razor-sharp metal-edged angle that has been created at the corner of the “step-up” to the frog pool. This was needed because the bath is so small it took the builders by surprise and they pretended to create a step-up to disguise it. Anyone slips on a wet bathroom floor and hits that and it is goodnight Vienna!
  6. The windows and doors. In line with the rest of the osiedle, the quality of the windows and doors (UPVC) is utter pants! Always been a problem with them not working properly. Not to mention the fact that the windows are so massive that to open them wide is a bit like removing the side of a house, i.e. never done.
  7. My favourite, the heating! There is no city heating, there is no osiedle heating system. What there is is a collection of electric heating units mounted on the walls. Total cost for the installation must have been about 120 PLN. Cost to run them each year is about 12,000 PLN and for that you can guarantee to be sick all winter as they gradually turn you and your family into prunes.
  8. The noise & fumes. We are separated from Warsaw’s busiest “motorway”, the Wisła Strada, by a park. It is however a thin park and one where they have been removing trees to make way for skate-parks and such-like, rather than planting them. This means there is a constant background humm of traffic as well as drifting exhuast fumes and dirt. Not nice and, to be honest, not noticed until we stood outside our new place and listened to the birds singing.
  9. The parking for guests. Used to be average, then they arrived with the red & white poles and removed ALL parking spaces anywhere near our place. Then they went further and shifted the entrance to the other side and made the “handy to stop for a moment” place illegal, with pathetic looking barriers and stuff. Joke. Complete joke.
  10. The admin & security. Only one thing can be said about it, they are a bunch of idiotic amateurs with as much idea of running an osiedle as they have of organising a manned space mission to Neptune.

See what I mean!

I’ll leave with a picture of perhaps the most memorable moment, the night the neighbour caught fire! (nobody hurt)



3 thoughts on “The end of a beautiful relationship

  1. So, you want to leave your wife and Zosia, and live in a forest together with the local elks ?

    shame on you !

    ps: And why did your neigbour catch fire ? an extremist ?

  2. Never found out why the neighbour’s apartment decided to ignite itself but I was shocked at how intense the fire was and how well contained it was to just that apartment (and the outside of the building). I’d be willing to bet it had something to do with the heaters that made it onto my list.

    Leave my family and live with Elks? :)

  3. Re your ” snagging list” there, Scatts.
    Did you at anytime in your life ever live in an apartment in Germany? I spent 8 years in several Army MSQs The state of some of them , all brand new buildings gives an old English phrase ‘Jerry built’ a new lease of life. Yer man who designed your apartment must have gone to the same design school as the square headed dolt who thought up the floor plan for the average Brit Squaddy’s home sweet home. All of yours. Plus several more and all with the background thought “this is it , matey” it won’t go away and it’s your for the duration😟. Any road up, happy house movings and no doubt you’ll be checking over the house plans BEFORE you pays your money!

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